My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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