new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
