No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
