Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
