every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
