the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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