You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
