I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
