WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
