Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
