I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
