I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
