We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
