Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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