We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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