its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
