I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
