I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
