I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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