I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
