The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
