i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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