Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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