Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
