i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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