I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
