Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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