sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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