He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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