Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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