My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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