i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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