Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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