i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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