So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
