Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
