I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
