How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
