There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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