Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If i come over, it means nothing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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