Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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