Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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