so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drake has all the answers
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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