it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
