Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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