I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When are your genitals available?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
