You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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