totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
