This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
