If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
