i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
