Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
