i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
