you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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