I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
