What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
