ya dads aren't the best wingmen
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
