...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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