Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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