4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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