he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
