it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
