my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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