Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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