I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
