Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
