hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
