When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize