why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
