Got a toothbrush?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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