at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
