wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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