Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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