I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
