after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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