Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
