You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
