Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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