i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
