mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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