is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
