I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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