Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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