Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
